


all of your love is sunlight

by peterparkerpeterparker



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alive Noah Czerny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, also ronan has better control of his dreams now it's not important shhhh, basically noah's alive and he's coping and ronan is there for him, i don't explain how noah got brought back to life so uhh just ignore that, it's czeng pining time babey, resurrected noah czerny, ronan and noah are best friends and if maggie won't let us see that then i'll write it myself, the entire gangsey is in this but only mentioned in the background, there's czeng in this but in the background, they're just friends but they're best friends and insanely close to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 06:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20887487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterparkerpeterparker/pseuds/peterparkerpeterparker
Summary: Noah Czerny couldn’t sleep. Typically, this wouldn't have been quite so unusual for him as paranormal entities didn’t sleep. Ever. However, because Noah had been recently brought back to this mortal coil, quite against his own will, it was now a problem.





	all of your love is sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello so basically noah czerny has a very dear spot in my heart and i'm pretending that the ending of the raven king didn't happen and he got brought back to life!

Noah Czerny couldn’t sleep. Typically, this wouldn't have been quite so unusual for him as paranormal entities didn’t sleep. Ever. However, because Noah had been recently brought back to this mortal coil, quite against his own will, it was now a problem. 

He’d been tossing and turning for two hours now. 

Noah had never  _ slept _ in this bed. Sure, it was his. Sometimes Adam’s. Sometime’s Henry’s, if he stayed over. Once it was even Professor Malory’s, when he came for that short visit. But it was still officially his and now it was time to officially sleep in it. 

Noah checked the time on his phone.  _ 2:37 am. _

So far, sleeping hadn’t been terrible for the past two weeks of his new life. At first, he didn’t want to sleep at all. He’d wished for it as a ghost, sure. It would’ve been a much welcome reprieve from the monotony of just existing. Existing for every second of every day with the knowledge that there was nowhere to go from here, no future in sight-all there was was just him sitting alone on his bed with his snow globe waiting for Gansey to come home from school. For Ronan to come back from wherever he went  _ instead _ of school that day. A few hours of blissful nothingness was exactly what he’d dreamt of.

Now he wasn’t so sure. He stretched his legs out, kicking one out from under the blanket and over the side of the bed. Most nights were dreamless. These were his favorites. Once he was able to fall asleep, he woke up almost instantly hours later, no recollection of any dream during the night. Some nights he wasn’t so lucky. Some nights were filled with horrible nightmares. A skateboard hitting him, hard. Blood in his eyes, falling on the ground. Pictures swimming in front of him of Gansey dead, both the first and second times. Walking in to find Ronan, only he’s ten minutes too late and he’s shaking him and trying to drag him somewhere safe but he’s too late, _ too late, _ and he wakes up surprised not to find himself covered in his best friend’s blood. 

When he first tried to sleep on his first night of newly found mortality, he couldn’t. His body felt like a live wire. Everything was different, every sensation new again. He could hardly stand to have the blanket on top of him or it felt like he was suffocating. After laying awake in the dark for an hour, he’d finally tiptoed his way over to Ronan’s room. He’d only had to slowly creep the door open a little before Ronan called him in. Still awake, pulling back the covers as if he knew that Noah would be coming in.

He checked his phone again.  _ 2:42 am. _

The best thing about being alive again, Noah decided, was the warmth. Well, it was warmth tied with food. Last night he’d almost scared Gansey to his third death when he found Noah standing in the middle of the bathroom/kitchen in the dark at 3am, eating frozen pizza rolls in his boxers. But as great as being able to eat food was, nothing could really beat feeling warm. As a ghost, he was always cold. Everything had been cold. It felt like swimming in a cold lake, when you’re so cold your fingers and toes are just numb. It’s after the cold’s set in and right before it becomes painful, and you just feel numb and chilled inside. It was as if he couldn’t ever truly feel anything, like he was always wearing gloves. Now, a single touch felt like fire. 

He checked his phone.  _ 2:44 am. _

He sat up in bed, wrapping his arms around his knees. 

It was amazing really, how much closer he felt to Ronan since coming back. They’d been close before, of course. All those midnight drives together when Ronan couldn’t (or wouldn’t) sleep, hanging out at home when he didn’t feel like going to school (often), and of course their movie marathons (which were frequent). After realizing that Noah wasn’t in fact, alive, and had basically been detached from society for the past seven years, Ronan had made it his personal mission to update Noah on everything he’d missed. He made Noah playlists of songs he thought he’d like, they’d sat on the couch for hours bingeing shows on netflix. Those were his favorite days. 

“Shouldn’t you be at school, Ronan?” He’d asked on day three of them lying on the couch together, Noah’s head resting in Ronan’s lap. 

“Listen. Right now, your education is much more important than mine.” Ronan smirked. “Now shut up and let’s watch Mamma Mia.” 

Once Noah had been brought back to life and rediscovered his love for junk food, Ronan had been all too willing to encourage it. They’d come back to Monmouth with armfuls of fast food and take out pizza, more than either of them could feasibly even eat. They’d spent days like that, laying around in front of Ronan’s laptop, watching movies.

Noah smiled remembering the day they watched every Twilight movie together. Noah had asked Ronan about it after hearing Blue make some scathing remark on how the series was setting feminism back by a decade. Ronan admitted he’d never actually seen them either and agreed that they should watch them, albeit begrudgingly. They were both surprised to find that they loved it and spent the rest of the day marathoning each movie. Ronan made Noah swear to secrecy (“I have my tough reputation to think of, obviously”). Which didn’t matter anyways, once Henry had walked in on their rewatch of New Moon a week later (“Woah, nice! Team Edward or Jacob?”). The three of them ended up starting it up from the beginning, crowded together on the couch. They’d all been decidedly Team Edward, although Ronan had thought the entire team idea was ridiculous in itself. Noah didn’t mind so much, if it meant having more to talk to Henry about.  It hadn’t gone unnoticed to him that Ronan specifically made sure that Noah was in the middle of the couch, his leg pushed up against Henry’s, all fire and heat rising in his face. It had been altogether a long two hours and eleven minutes.

He checked his phone.  _ 2:47 am. _

Sometimes he was terrified that if he shut his eyes one night, he’d wake up and find himself gone again. That this was all just some lucid daydream he had during a particularly boring day alone at Monmouth while everyone was gone. That he’d wake up and he’d feel numb again and everything would be cold and he’d be in that dumb school uniform again with his bashed in cheek bone and nothing will feel right and there’s nothing to fix it no hope no nothing no- 

Noah took a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes. He spread his hands over the comforter, feeling the silky fabric under his fingers. He reached over and pinched his forearm, firm enough to barely hurt. He found himself doing this sometimes, just to remind himself that he was here. That he existed. He had a body. He had blood pumping through his veins. He took up space. He was here, he wouldn’t just disappear. He was here. He was here.

He ran his fingers through his hair, focusing on the feeling, the sensation. One of the biggest shocks to the group, after him coming back to life, of course, was figuring out that he wasn’t a natural blonde. He almost laughed at the memory.

“Are those  _ roots _ ?” Ronan interrupted the group’s conversation one night, staring at Noah’s hair under the dim light inside Nino’s. 

“Oh. Yeah. I guess so?” He laughed nervously. “Weird to remember that my hair actually grows now.”

Everyone stared at him, dumbstruck.

“I can’t decide what’s more shocking, finding out that you were a ghost or that you’re not a natural blonde!” Henry said with a wink, making Noah’s face suddenly feel very warm. Henry was awfully good at making that happen, Noah had realized. Whenever Henry was around, he just felt nervous, but almost in a good way. He often had to stop himself from outright staring at Henry when they were all together. Subtlety had never been his strong suit, but he was going to try his hardest to keep  _ this _ a secret. Not forever, of course. Ronan had pegged it the first day Henry and Noah had officially met. Now it was all Ronan trying to find ways to get them alone together and “Oh, I’m starving, Noah can you go get food for everyone? Henry can drive you.” Not that Noah minded, however. Noah found himself falling deeper and deeper. 

It was Henry’s fault, really. Him and his way with words and the way he always made Noah laugh, and those eyes! His eyes were the most beautiful shade of brown that Noah had ever seen, warm and captivating and -

He forced his eyes away from Henry and caught Ronan smirking at him. He tried his hardest to think about anything other than Henry or his eyes.

“I’ve been thinking about what to do to it,” he added hastily, “now that I can change my hair, I mean.” Blue immediately rattled off a list of ideas, taking charge of his next hair color.

Blue had made it  _ her _ personal mission to update Noah’s wardrobe. They’d spent hours at thrift stores finding the perfect clothes, and then hours in the cat/phone/sewing room at fox way making any “necessary alterations” to them, which usually meant artfully ripping or adding glitter to.

Noah sighed, checking his phone again.  _ 2:50 am. _

He wrapped his comforter around himself as he got out of bed. He crept out of his room and into the darkened hallway, his fuzzy socks making a soft shuffling noise against the floor. Ronan was here at night more often now. Noah knew that a part of the reason for Ronan’s being here was for him. For nights like this. He knew he could just as well ask Gansey, or hell, even call Blue. There was just something different about being with Ronan. He couldn’t decide if it was just because of how much closer they were than he was to the others, or maybe because he never felt pressured to fill the silence between the two of them. Noah felt like since he’d come back there was this expectation to become more than he’d been as a ghost. To be louder, more felt, to give off more of a presence. In some ways he did, but he wasn’t sure he was back to being old Noah yet. Alive Noah. Firecracker Noah, jumping onto tables Noah, always getting speeding tickets Noah. Would it be okay if he wasn’t that kind of Noah? What if his time spent dead had changed him permanently? If, maybe, some pieces of alive Noah hadn’t come back to life with the rest of him? Was it okay to just be this? A little more than dead Noah, but a little less than alive Noah? In between Noah, an entirely different Noah? Was there room for this version of him in the world? Would that be okay?

He checked his phone, the light illuminating the hallway.  _ 2:51 am. _

Noah always worried when he did this. Was it too late? Was he asleep? Was Adam okay with this? Although he knew that Adam was. There was nothing going on that would worry Adam. There never would be, it wasn’t like that between them.

He knocked softly on the door, waited two seconds, and then slowly opened it. Ronan was asleep, a dark lump tangled in the blankets on his bed. Noah quietly shuffled to the empty side of the bed, crawling under the covers as quietly as he could, gently pulling his own comforter on top of them. Ronan stirred next to him, rolling over.

“Can’t sleep?” Ronan mumbled, half asleep. 

“No. Not really.” Noah hesitated. “Is this okay?”

“Dude, you don’t have to ask anymore. ‘Course it is.” Ronan snorted. He threw an arm over Noah’s waist lazily, bringing him closer. Noah smiled, snuggling his face into Ronan’s shoulder. His touch felt unbelievably warm, bringing Noah further and further from that freezing lake. Ronan’s breathing began to even out, already falling back to sleep. 

Noah sighed. Whichever Noah he was right now, whichever version had come back to life that day in the forest, it felt okay. He felt warm. He felt at home. Ronan made him feel like home, he made him feel held and warm and safe in a way he hadn’t felt since he had died that day so long ago. Maybe even before that.

He closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! this is the first fic I've written in a long time so please be kind! please comment, i thrive on validation from strangers on the internet! come see me on tumblr if you want @jasonnfunderburker! have a nice day!


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